Only a Few Weeks Now

Only a few more weeks now and I will know you. I will hold you in my arms and kiss your cheeks and you will wrap your tiny fingers around mine as you stare up to me - surely recognizing the voice you have come to know as mine. In only a few weeks.

There are so many things I still have left to do in preparation for your arrival. I haven't installed the car seat, you only have two hairbows (shameful, I know!), and I know the one package of diapers in your closet will only get us through about the first week of your lovely life with us.

Yes, there are those things to do, but I have been ready for you, really, for years now. I have known that my life is empty without you since the winter of 2008. That was a rough year and someday perhaps I will tell you about those things. But, since then, I've known that there was a void in my heart that ached for your presence. I can not begin to tell you how much I love you already.

Only a few weeks now and I am so looking forward to it!

House Hunting in VA

And I'm left a little hopeless and overwhelmed, unsure and rather discombobulated. There were some ugly houses and then there was one that we liked. It felt like home when we first walked up to it: 105 Shoal Qual. Beautiful. All brick, four bedrooms, 2.5 baths, a great southern staircase, an inground pool and an 8-person hot tub in the fenced yard beyond the screened porch. Beautiful. But...I still don't feel just right about it. I'm not sold on the price, the school district, the idea of moving at all actually. I'm wondering if it's all a mistake or if I'm just getting cold feet. I wish someone else were responsible for having the answers!

My mother and I...

Silly Prized Possession....To you, maybe!

Too many years ago, my husband and I went to Belize (San Pedro, actually - a little island off the mainland). While we were there, we went a toured an old Mayan ruin. I had gone prepared for this: prepared with a roll of paper and a black crayon. I wanted to make a crayon rubbing of a statue or a carving from the temple - it was the best keepsake I could imagine; a way to bring back part of the experience without really disturbing the land. I was told by the guide that what I wanted to do was not allowed (and this is why I firmly believe that 'tis better to beg forgiveness than ask permission). I did it anyway. And, I'm so glad that I did. Now, rolled up under my bed (we'd always meant to frame it when "we had enough money" - how does that day never come?) is the 6x40 crayon rubbing of a temple carving from a temple that exists no longer. I ran the steep and crooked steps to the top of that temple. I walked right through the spot where once was held human sacrifice. I stood at the top and looked onto the vast forest seemingly miles below. How thankful I am that I'd rebelled against the silly tour guide, and how glad I am that I have that paper still. Maybe someday I'll have it framed after all.